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Fair Warning: Aura
30/07/09 || Habakuk
Welcome sportsters, today’s pre-game focus lies on one of Germany’s more obscure teams, Fair Warning, favorably nicknamed “Unicorns” by their fan base. Or by me. You’ll have to find that out for yourself.
A long time in the business obviously equipped them with a white cloudy shield that no trend shall ever pass, behind which leather jackets are still the thing to hold on to when walking through town on the hunt for foxy ladies 30+. These are in for a treat if they’re looking for tough guys that are not afraid to let their soft side shine through once in a while. At least that’s the case for the team captain, Tommy Heart, yep that’s right, Tommy Heart, who sports a very German name. He writes love anthems called “Fighting for your love” or “Here comes the heartache” . The other guys are probably married and have kids. That doesn’t matter, because they’re trying to be the coolest parents that they can imagine and teach their children to be Rock Kids, making them desperately turn to Scooter as soon as they reach puberty. Overall, the Fair Warning Unicorns are not the youngest bunch, but probably an experienced outfit that showcases that trademark, unceasing desire for freedom that’s so strongly embedded in German culture. Haha.
Alright, let’s get it over with. I’ll have to listen to it eventually… Game!
Habakuk Expectation Possums vs. Fair Warning Surprise Unicorns.
It all kicks off with a catchy guitar hook! That was an easy one, what a start for the Expectation Possums!
1 – 0.
All instruments can be heard and are executed competently! Another clear one, obvious predominance for the Possums!
2 – 0.
Oh actually, the bass is quite loud and plays pretty varied stuff.
And the first song’s actually alright?! If you like Axel Rudi Pell, that
is. Strike by the Surprise Unicorns!
2 – 1.
HARD ROCK! The singer keeps it rough, but knows how to get into cheese-territory. Desperation! I know it’s wild, I know it’s tough!!. It’s indeed a tough decision, but that’s another point for Habakuk’s Expectation Possums! 3 – 1.
Oh yeah, we get a background choir as well. (Wiild aaand tooough)
Well, that’s no surprise, but I didn’t think of it before We’ll make it a draw. 4 – 2!
Here goes the emotional solo! … “YEAH YEAH YEAH”. Clearly Beatles. Or Axel Rudi Pell. The Expectation Possums increase their lead! 5 – 2!
Alright, the next song starts with a catchy guitar hook! How could I forget the keyboards… of course, there are keyboards here. NO Hard Rock without Synthesizers! An obvious mistake in the Possums’ defense line, that one could have been avoided. The Surprise Unicorns reduce to 5 – 3.
“Hey girl” isn’t meant as a cheeky semi-pedo pick-up line at all…5 – 4,
Surprise Unicorns on a run! Can they turn the tide? Nope, it seems the Unicorns have been too enthusiastic here…
…“Hey Girl” starts off their softer side! A semi-acoustic ballad… Disappointing defense by the Unicorns, the Possums have definitely been reckoning with something like that, and manage to counter immediately! 6 – 4!
What an onslaught, and now it’s starting to get real dirty on the grounds as the unicorns reach deep into their filthy pockets…
Deep in your heart, love might just take a whihihile. Hey girl…Don’t you know you’re strong and beautiful, when you smile. Yeah right. Strong and beautiful. Stadium announcement: “Little Axl Rose is looking for his nasal voice. Tommy Heart, please bring it back to Gate 3…”
Emotional guitar & keyboard lead! Another clear point for the possums! 7 – 4.
But what’s this!? A “funky” guitar pattern and… UH SHALALALALALA!????
Words cannot describe how wrong this is, but the replay shows that this
was actually done on purpose! That’s a well-deserved red card for Tommy
Heart!
Lyrics about writing lyrics about relationships is pretty wrong as well.
The referee decides to increase the penalty for Tommy Heart to
something more physical!
Use your imagination. What kind of name is that anyway.
A clear result after song four already , and the rest of the game plods along with catchy choruses, stupid lyrics, more soft than hard rock and consequently doesn’t change much on the scoreboard! And that’s it! The Expectation Possums send the Fair Warning Surprise Unicorns home with a wooohooyeyeeah! and a 7 – 4 beatdown!
That’s it fellas, I’m spending the rest of the season with “Fighting for your love”!
- Information
- Released: 2009
- Label: Metal Heaven
- Website: www.fair-warning.de
- Band
- Tommy Heart (!!!!!!!!): vocals
- Helge Engelke: guitars
- Ule W. Ritgen: bass
- C.C. Behrens: drums
- Tracklist
- 01. Fighting for your love
- 02. Here comes the heartache
- 03. Hey girl
- 04. Don’t count on me
- 05. Falling
- 06. Holding on
- 07. Walking on smiles
- 08. Someday,
- 09. As Snow White found out
- 10. Station to station
